i'm feeling melancholic again. drama mama emo. i hate feeling all feelingy like this. bleargh.
i don't understand at all, it is just a job. not even an official one yet, just a practice cum assessment thingy. and it is only for 10 weeks. and i've always thought this might be IT, the THING for me. so why do i feel - dread?
*reflection refelction*
ok. i know why. it is all about going through a new experience, a new place, new people all ALONE. i cant recall the last time i stand on my own 2 feet. when i want to do something, i will always drag in a friend. or worse, i get dragged into something just to avoid doing something else alone. omg woman, you are a daymn coward!
i have always felt dread at the idea of being alone. when i was a little girl, age became an acceptable excuse for such feeling. but at a whopper double-digit number of an age, it is plain cowardly. i thought i had overcome such fears, but i guess, i've just been avoiding it all this while.
well maybe it is time i face the devil. i cannot possibly all my life hide in one dark corner where no one can see me right? sobs.
oh dear. please give me the strength that i need. InsyaAllah.
flights of fancy
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